


A Fallen Star

by midnightelite



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Full moon prank, I'm Sorry, and will continue for teh following month, blackevans is a brotp, i promise it ends on a hopeful note, it will switch between present day and flashbacks, starts the night of the full moon, there will be Jily if you squint, this is a blackevans friendship fic, this is really angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27797038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightelite/pseuds/midnightelite
Summary: “Lils,” his desperate tone had her head snapping up from the potions assignment laying in her lap. “You mentioned that night that you know I’m a good person. How are you so sure?” She dropped her quill on the ground and thought through his question.“Well, there are a lot of reasons why I think it’s true."Starts the night of the full moon prank, and follows the month following.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 12
Kudos: 20





	A Fallen Star

**Author's Note:**

> I have been working on this little fic for a long time. It was the second fic I attempted to write when starting writing again, my first solo one I started writing. I reworked it a lot, and I figured I would post at least the first part in time for sirivember. I hope you guys enjoy!

The common room had long since emptied. The flames in the fireplace barely licked the logs, the embers burning bright; Lily was transfixed by it, the charms essay in her lap long forgotten. Tearing her eye away, she glanced at the clock, for the umpteenth time as the moon continued its journey across the sky. _Why aren’t they back yet? Did something go wrong?_ She knew they helped Remus during his transformations; though she figured keeping plausible deniability was probably in her best interest.

Her attention was forced back to the essay due later in the week. It wouldn’t do well to worry when everything could be fine. For all she knew the rest of the marauders were setting up a prank for tomorrow. She just had to ignore the heavy feeling settling in her gut that something horribly wrong happened. It was fine. They are fine. Probably. Lily’s eyes shoot back to the clock. What if one of them got hurt, and they need help?

_What if one of them was bitten._

All the swirling thoughts came to a standstill. Remus would _not_ be okay if he accidentally turned one of his best friends. The two of them had just recently been discussing how he can’t hold himself responsible for anything that happens during his transformations. Lily is pretty sure any progress they made in the conversation would be completely erased if he hurt someone else. As warring thoughts fought for dominance in her head, leaning more and more towards her going to look for the group of boys- _Remus should be transformed back and one or all of them could be hurt. They may need an extra hand._

Lily made her decision and started placing her textbook into her bag when she heard the portrait hole swing open; her eyes snapped up to the entrance. The three men filling her thoughts walked through. Her heart stopped. There were only two of the three. James looked a little worse for wear, though still in one piece, Peter looked generally unscathed. They both stopped for a moment, locking eyes with the redhead, before continuing towards the stairs to the boys’ dorm in silence. She considered calling out to stop them but ultimately decided to let them go. Neither of the boys seemed to have any life-threatening injuries, and it’s not as if they would tell _her_ anything. Come to think of it, Lily wasn’t even sure they knew she was aware of Remus’s lycanthropy. _She still needed to find Sirius._

Lily looked back to the parchment in her lap, rolling it up and adding it to her bag with a deep sigh. Taking a final look around the empty common room, she exited through the portal. Once she was in the corridor, she realized she didn’t have a plan. She hadn’t the faintest idea where to start, but decided to calm one of her fears by checking the Hospital Wing. She wasn’t sure if she was hoping he was occupying one of the beds or not. She didn’t know which would be better. 

She weaved through the corridors as silently as she could, making sure to listen for any extra footsteps. Running into a professor would not help her finish the mission. As she approached the large wooden doors she paused. She decided on her trek over to wing it and just hoped she didn’t alert the matron to her presence. Taking a steeling breath she pushed the door open as quietly as she could. She closed the door behind her and her eyes scanned the rows of empty beds until they hit a curtained-off section towards the back; her stomach dropped. Double-checking the light in Madam Pomfrey’s office was off, she headed towards the curtained section, sliding in fluidly when she arrived. 

There in the bed laid a pale Severus, he didn’t seem to have any open wounds that she could see, but his arm was unmistakably broken. A pang of sadness shot through her at the sight of her once best friend, though annoyance quickly chased it away. Snape lost the space that he used to occupy in her heart; if only her heart would remember that fact. She hated how much she still cared for the person who hated everything she was. Pushing those thoughts away quickly, Lily focused back on finding someone who _actually_ cared about her. An actual _friend_. She peeked her head out of the curtain, seeing the area unchanged she started heading back toward the corridor. 

Once the door was firmly closed behind her she turned and leaned against it. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When her thoughts calmed, she pushed off the door to continue her search. She meandered through the halls, checking classrooms as she went. Lily found she was relieved Sirius wasn’t in the hospital wing, but she was worried her search would end up being fruitless. 

As she was debating if she should head back to the common room and wait for him to return, or to continue looking, a memory pushed its way to the forefront of her mind; Sirius running into the astronomy tower when she was there late one night. The boy burst forth as if he was running from something. She remembers turning and being struck by the sadness in his eyes, that was quickly hidden behind an indifferent expression.

_"I-uh...sorry Evans, I didn’t think anyone would be up here.” He didn’t sound like himself; too unsure for the usually confident teen. After a moment of silence-Sirius’s stare fell to the ground, Lily’s studying him-he turned to leave without another word._

_“Sirius, is everything okay? She doesn’t know why she asked. They weren’t really friends, but she couldn’t find it in herself to regret calling out to him. Lily watched his shoulders rise with the force of his breath; still standing in the doorway, one foot on the first step to leave. She stood up and headed toward the young boy. She approached him, slowing her steps to a standstill, before placing her hand lightly between his shoulder blades calling his name once more. He jumped at the contact-or the call, she truly couldn’t tell which-before he whirled around to face her. Lily’s arm fell back to her side. Tears slid down the tall boy's cheeks, her heart clenched at the broken expression twisting Sirius’s face. Their eyes met again before his head dropped once more toward the floor. “Do you want to talk about it? I know we aren’t exactly close, but I assume the reason you’re here is you can't tell James, Peter, or Remus.”_

_He made no indication that he heard her words. She placed a hand on his arm, hoping to offer a modicum of comfort. “Well, if you want to talk I’ll be here.” She gives his arm a gentle squeeze before turning and heading back to her previous spot. As she looked out over the grounds, she missed the warring emotions flashing across the face of her not-quite friend. A few minutes passed before she heard quiet footsteps heading toward her. Lily turned to look at the long-haired boy as he sat down next to her, his arms wrapping around his knees._

_“It’s Regulus.” Lily knew of his brother, knew that he ran in the same circles Snape was in. The ones she hoped he’d leave. “He joined the death eaters. Showed me his mark like it was his pride and joy.”_

_That hit her like a knife to the heart. She felt that on many levels. Her biggest fear was Severus following the same path, and she didn’t exactly have the best relationship with her own sister. Having a sibling that is so different is hard, but this...this is different than your sister thinking you’re a freak. This is your sibling essentially telling you they agree with a man who believes a whole group of witches and wizards, people like herself, shouldn’t exist, or be allowed to live in this world. She stayed quiet; letting Sirius sift through his thoughts._

_"I’m sorry.” She said when the silence seemed overwhelming._

_“I don’t need your sympathy, Evans.”_

_“ No, you don’t.” She let the sentiment sit for a moment. “But I understand what it’s like to not have a perfect relationship with a sibling. Petunia-my sister-hates me. Doesn’t miss an opportunity to remind me either. She’s a muggle, and she thinks anything having to do with magic is freakish and wrong. I mean she isn’t trying to get rid of an entire group of people, but she holds so much hatred towards magic. And me.” She said the last bit a little quieter. Lily focused on calming her breathing before continuing. “I understand how draining and painful it is to have a sibling who is so….against your own beliefs.” Her eyes were trained on the forbidden forest. The pain in her chest growing as she thought about that broken tie._

_"Yeah, it is,” Sirius spoke so quietly Lily thought she imagined it. They let the silence stretch, a comfortable feeling settling between them. Finding a sick sort of contentment knowing they weren’t alone in desperately wanting to connect to someone they have always loved, but just continued to grow further apart. Situations they both wished were different. Neither knew how much time passed, but as some clouds covered the light the moon was sharing, they both started to stand. Sirius surprised her-a common theme of the night it seemed-and pulled her into a tight hug. “Thanks, Evans.” He whispered before releasing her. A small smile spread across her face, and she nodded in response. The duo quietly headed back to their dorms, feeling a little less alone._

Lily stopped when she realized her feet took her to the exact place she was in her memory.

She took a deep breath and ascended the stairs, hoping that her hunch was right, and she’d find her shaggy-haired friend sitting up in the tower, like she had so many times since that memory. A relieved sigh escaped through her lips as she reached the top step and her eyes settled on the back of the boy that became her best friend. She watched him for a minute, taking in his hunched shoulders, smoke trailing up mingling with the stars above. 

Lily quietly crossed the room, sitting next to him, their arms brushing. “Do you want to talk about it?” A few minutes passed, met with silence. She closed the minimal distance between them and laid her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arm around his waist and pulled him into her side. The silence stretched on, them both watching the grounds below. Eyes following a few stray animals exploring the area only empty under the moon. Sirius lifted the cigarette in his hand to his mouth, inhaling deeply. As he pulled it away she grabbed it from him, taking a puff herself, before ashing it over the side of the tower. She handed the rolled paper back to the boy on her left. 

“I really fucked up Lils.” The quiet words barely filled the silence, and defeat laced his tone.

“No offense Black, but you feel always feel like you fucked something up. So, why don’t you tell me what happened, and we can decide if this truly is a fuck up, or if you’re just beating yourself up.” She squeezed him close once more before dropping the arm around his waist. 

“I can’t tell you. You’ll hate me just like everyone else.” Lily turned her head to examine the boy next to her. He was usually easy to read, at least he was to her. She’d never seen his eyes look so detached. 

“I could never hate you, Sirius. You’re the annoying brother I never wanted. I’m pretty sure we are stuck with each other at this point.” He laughed but it sounded all wrong. It wasn’t the overwhelming, carefree one that was so Sirius. It was a small broken sound. “I know somehow Snape is involved. I discovered _him_ in the hospital wing in my expedition to find you.” He shot her a terrified look, and she hoped her answering one was reassuring. 

“I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it.” His head fell, and his hands got lost in his hair. Lily couldn’t help thinking how ‘James’ the action seemed. “Everything is my fault. I know Peter and James already hate me. I’m sure Remus isn’t far behind. I don’t want to lose you too. I _can’t_ lose you too.” His hands tightened into fists, hair sticking out at odd angles from the force as he muttered to himself. Lily couldn’t make out his words fully but caught a few like ‘stupid’ and ‘I didn’t think…’ She started rubbing soothing circles on his back. She plucked the forgotten cigarette from his hand, taking one last hit before extinguishing it on the ground next to her and tossing it over the side of the astronomy tower. 

He tapered off after a couple of minutes. Sirius turned to Lily, his eyes brimming with tears. Lily moved to pull him into a tight hug, continuing the soothing patterns along his back. She felt his shoulders start to shake and his breathing quicken, and tightened her hold. 

“I didn’t think anyone would get hurt. It was supposed to be a joke to get Snape to back off. Everything went wrong so quickly and it was all my fault.” He broke off as more sobs wracked through his body. She could tell he was starting to spiral and her heart ached for him. 

“Sirius, breathe with me.” She focused on her breathing, the same techniques she was taught to keep control of her anxiety and keep a lid on her anger. “It’s okay.” He started matching her breathing, and the sobs started to slow a bit. She loosened her grip, pulling back just enough to see his face. Tears rolled down his cheeks in steady streams. Lily’s arms fell back into her lap. 

“Lily, you don’t understand. I let someone find out my best friend was a-” Sirius abruptly cut himself off, the look of fear returning to his eyes. 

“If you’re afraid of exposing Remus to me, I’m sorry to inform you, but you’re about two years too late.” She hoped to lighten the mood. Seeing the tiniest amount of tension leave the boy in front of her seemed like a huge feat, though the fear in his eyes never wavered. “I know you three help him somehow during his transformation.” He opened his mouth as if to interrupt, but Lily quickly lifted a hand to stop him. “I don’t want to know what. I have a feeling it’s not exactly legal, and I’d prefer not knowing what laws you did or did not break to accomplish it. So, don’t worry I’m not going to ask any questions about it. I just want to make sure you are okay.” That seemed to catch Sirius off guard; his eyes widening as the tears fell in quick succession. He shook his head nearly imperceptibly. 

Lily pulled him into another hug, his arms quickly wrapping around her waist. She hugged him till she felt his breath even out again, hoping to convey that she was here for him. She would always be here to support him. She held him a bit tighter before whispering, “You don’t have to tell me what happened tonight; I think I have an idea of what might’ve happened. You are not a horrible person Sirius Black.” She felt a small flinch as she said his surname, like another pang to her heart.

“I’ve gotten to know you a fair bit over the past year or so. You would never put your friends in a potentially harmful situation. You would protect them with your life. You may have made a mistake tonight, and knowing you, you’re probably beating yourself up harder than your friends ever would. You are a good person. You made a mistake, but everyone makes mistakes sometimes. What’s important is whether you learn from them or not, and how you act in the aftermath. I have a feeling that you know where you went wrong tonight, and you’ll do everything in your power to mend what you can. Remember, I’ll always be here if you need me, okay?” She felt him nod before pulling back. “Now, let’s head to bed. We still have class tomorrow.” Lily stood up and held her hand toward her friend.

“I think I’m gonna stay here a bit longer. Clear my head.” She dropped her hand back to her side.

“Of course. If you need me you know where to find me. Goodnight, Sirius.” Her eyes lingered on her friend, he was staring out at the grounds again. Her heart hurt for him, she knew he was most likely ripping himself apart over the ordeal. She hoped he didn’t hurt himself too much. With that thought, she turned on her heel and headed back toward the Gryffindor Common Room, making a mental note to check on both him and Remus in the morning. 

* * *

She heard the other girls were moving around the room, their commotion rousing Lily from her sleep way sooner than she would have liked. She knew she should get up, but her bed was calling her like a siren song lulling her back to the depths of sleep. Begrudgingly she threw her covers back and opened her eyes. The actions of getting ready were almost robotic as her mind replayed the events of the previous night. After a quick shower, she was out the door, apprehensive of the scene she would walk into in the Great Hall. The walk there was uneventful, she must have been later than she realized; she didn’t run into a single student on her way to breakfast. 

As she entered the bustling dining area she scanned the Gryffindor table. Her eyes settled on her dormmates and she quickly headed in the direction, sitting roughly next to Mary. After sharing some pleasantries with her friends she started loading her plate with toast, beans, and eggs. When she was satisfied with her spread she started looking at the other occupants of the table. Her eyes landed further down the table at three of the marauders, all looking a bit worse for wear. She started to worry when she realized Sirius was missing. 

Her eyes fell to her plate and she started working on finishing her meal, her mind fixated on the missing member of the foursome. Her mind kept flashing back to the image of the broken boy from the night before, and she tried to keep her anxiety from growing. She just _really_ hoped he was okay.

As if her worry acted like a summoning spell, she lifted her gaze from her plate to the Entrance Hall. There sauntering in as if all was right in the world was Sirius Black. She shot him a small smile as he walked past her toward the marauders, which he returned in kind. Her eyes followed him for the entirety of his trek, her breath catching in her throat as he reached the trio sitting aways down the table. Her eyes quickly assessed their faces, and if looks could kill Sirius would not be here right now with the look James Potter was sending his way. That look would scare a boggart. 

After a few agonizing moments, Lily threw her friend a lifeline. She saw the panic growing in his eyes. “Sirius! Wanna sit with me today?” She forced a casual tone, hoping to play it off like she was planning to ask the whole time. His head snapped to her, his panic giving way to gratefulness. 

“Need me all to yourself, Evans?” He almost sounded normal. She’s pretty sure the only reason she could tell he was a bit off was because of the amount of time the two spent together. She played along with his teasing and rolled her eyes fondly at the grey-eyed teen. 

“Why _yes_ , of course, Black.” Lily dramatically placed her hand over her heart. “I couldn’t stand to go another moment without some of your time. Please, would you give me the distinct honor of joining me for breakfast?” The sarcasm that laced her voice sent her own message to Sirius. _You know I’m here if you need me._ He made his way back down the aisle, stopping to drop down in an exaggerated bow before sitting down next to her. He quickly added food to his plate, avoiding Marlene and Mary’s questioning glances. 

“Thank you.” He spoke so only Lily could hear him. She nodded in acknowledgment, before continuing to eat her breakfast. The rest of the day went by without incident, but Sirius stuck by her for the entirety of it. The rest of the week went by much the same. Leading to a night a little over a week later. The pair was back in the Astronomy Tower, working on homework. Well, Lily was working on homework, Sirius was staring at his lap, an anguished expression on his face. 

“Lils,” his desperate tone had her head snapping up from the potions assignment laying in her lap. “You mentioned _that_ night that you know I’m a good person. How are you so sure?” She dropped her quill on the ground and thought through his question. 

“Well, there are a lot of reasons why I think it’s true. We can start on a basic level, and say you respect all wizards from all backgrounds, despite growing up in a home filled with hate and prejudice. You never judge someone based on where they came from or their parentage, and you stand up for the right things. You may have... _unconventional_ methods of going about it, but your heart is in the right place. A strong moral compass is a quality of a good person. She shot him a pointed look. “You wouldn’t be friends with me if you didn’t stand up against your family’s beliefs.” He gave her a small smile but didn’t look convinced. 

“Now a little more specific. You have undying loyalty to your friends. You’re happy to just be around them, and when the four of you are together you guys are almost brighter than your surroundings. You would never do anything that would intentionally hurt them, and if you did, it would _not_ be on purpose. Bad people don’t care about others, or how their actions affect them. They are self-serving. You are the farthest thing from selfish. You’re like a puppy dog. You may hurt your favorite people by accident, but you will never stop trying to make it up to them. This leads to my next point: You hold yourself accountable for your actions. That is so important Black. You don’t explain everything away to try and avoid blame. You own up to your mistakes. That’s what good people do.” She couldn’t read the look on his face. “Do I need to continue?” She could see his eyes filling with tears, and he shook his head. She nodded curtly back. “Good.”

Lily picked her quill back up and continued working on her assignment. Sirius was silent for a bit, watching as her quill scratched across the page. “Thank you.” She met his eyes, raising a brow in question. “Thank you for being here for me. I don’t know what I would do without you. I’ve…never been great alone. The day Jamie adopted me on the train was the luckiest day of my life. I’m so thankful to have met you, too. You’re really helping me get through this...mess I created. You make me feel like I may not have permanently screwed this up. Thanks for being my best friend, and for giving me hope.” 

Lily felt her own eyes prickle with unshed tears. Sirius leaned over and pulled her into a hug. After a bit, they both pulled away, a bit teary eyed. She shot him a warm smile, before turning back to finish her essay. She heard shuffling coming from the other teen and saw his bag move out the corner of her eye. 

“Are you actually doing your homework?” She asked in mock horror, her eyes never leaving the crinkled parchment in her lap. 

“Haha, Evans. You’re hilarious. As you can tell with my uncontrollable laughter.” He deadpanned. A smile stretched across her face as she continued working on her assignment. He sent a fond smile her way, before opening his transfiguration text. They continued in companionable silence until they both finished their current task. They packed up, both feeling a bit lighter than they had at the start of the day, and headed toward the tower. They stopped at the split of the stairs to the dorms. 

“Thank you, again.”

“What are friends for?” They shared a smile. “Goodnight, Black.” Lily turned and headed towards her dorm, a ‘ _Night, Evans’_ following in her wake.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr @midnightelite!


End file.
